1. A woman in labour is screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says,
"Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass but NO, you said that might hurt!"

2. I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough! But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts!!! Women, I can't figure them out!.

3. A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born: "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy ...not a fucking photo-copier."

4. Little kid catches his mom and dad having sex. He says, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We are making you a little brother." The boy answers, "Why don't you do it doggy style, and make me a puppy!"

5. "I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your sister in law..."

Dear Dr Phil,
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

Pretty dam good

lucecr, thats some good ones for sure thanks for posting. LMAO

Dammit! Good ones there!


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That's some good jokes right there.


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Nice!

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Keep 'em coming!

needed the laugh fu)k all this rain

sounds good

good ones. Is she a pervert. Pshhhh yeah she is


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Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring
someone to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.
Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened...
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.'
She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch.
When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less
than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man.
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom,
but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'

Frog, mighty funny right there buddy. LMAO